Trauma: What Is It Really? How To Process and Heal
What is trauma?
You know how the only thing worse than a spider in your bedroom is a lost spider in your bedroom? Well, the same is true about trauma. (Feeling a little anxious now? Good.)
A traumatic event is a highly distressing (which is a subjective term) event which may lead to panic attacks, nightmares, and overall agitation in the short term following the event. In an effort to categorize trauma, mental health experts and researchers have historically used Big-T Trauma and Little-t trauma labels. Big-T Traumas being things that probably pop into your head when you hear the word trauma—earthquakes, rape, poverty, military experiences, domestic violence, etc. Little-t traumas would be emotional abuse, loss of a loved one, job loss, bullying. The field is moving away from this categorization because it comes with a certain level of judgment. Little-t traumas must not be that big of a deal or “what I experienced wasn’t sufficiently bad enough to be considered traumatic.” Those little-t traumas can actually be every bit as difficult to live with as the big-T traumas.
Instead, we can look at trauma as Acute, Chronic, and Complex. Acute being one event, Chronic being long-term exposure to a traumatic stressor, and Complex being exposure to lots of different traumatic situations over time.
Some of these traumas can and do lead to post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but not always. PTSD is the result of trauma that doesn’t get processed and leads to long term flashbacks and attempts to avoid environments that are similar to the traumatic event.
Processing and Resiliency
What exactly does it mean to process trauma? It’s such an amorphous idea. It’s really just integrating our experiences into our being. Just like we chew up and digest our food so that the vital parts can become part of our bodies, so must our emotions be processed and integrated into our souls. We have to feel them, talk about them, do something with them.
Honestly, one of the most important aspects in processing involves connecting with others. Validating emotions is important in managing stressors as well as processing trauma. Having a safe person with whom you can share your experience and find validation in their response, helps your mind and body understand what just happened and not get stuck on it.
Being connected with safe people is a huge component of resiliency, which is your ability to bounce back, recover and even grow after a traumatic event. Practicing self-compassion is another. Consider putting time and effort into learning about yourself, your motivations, and the things that are important to you, as a way of increasing resiliency. The better you understand yourself, the more you can create or find meaning in difficult situations. This allows you to maintain a sense of hope in your future and your ability to heal.
Can I heal from trauma?
Remember that spider you lost in your bedroom? (Yeah, I know, it was hideous.) After I lost the last spider in my bedroom, I worried for a while, and then I sprayed around some corners and told myself that it would die eventually. I went on with my day and I mostly forgot about it. Until I saw a spot on the wall or a spot on the floor and had a rush of adrenaline, thinking it was my spider. Experiencing hyper vigilance and seemingly unrelated triggers can happen as a result of trauma, too. Often, we push it down—ignore it—pretend it didn’t happen—or don’t allow ourselves to feel pain or fear.
I am a big fan of Dolly Parton. In one of my favorite Dolly songs, she says “Don’t know quite what to expect. A little scared, but what the heck. My desire is always greater than my fear.” Even though it may be scary and you may not know what to expect, you must face your trauma in order to heal from it. Now, when I suggest you should face your traumas, triggers, or fears, I don’t mean that you should do it alone or unprepared. You are an incredible person, with so much potential, it’s ridiculous! Let your desires be greater than your fears and utilize some of these tools!
Therapy is a great way to start the process. Being a therapist myself, I’m a big proponent. Therapy puts you in a position where you can face trauma head-on with a mental health professional who has skills to help you through tough moments. They can also teach you skills for when you’re facing triggers on your own.
Examples:
Individual therapy
Group therapy
Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of your state of being in the present moment. Checking in with your body and your mind on a regular basis is helpful. You can be mindful while doing literally anything. It is just being aware of what you are doing. You don’t need complete silence and the stars to align in order to meditate. You can be mindful while on a rollercoaster. (I definitely didn’t meditate on my last rollercoaster. I panicked. But y’know…)
Examples:
Meditation
Grounding (identifying one thing you can experience with each of your senses)
Mindful bathing
Mindful walking
Mindful eating
Mindful breathing
Prayer
Art/Expression is one of my favorite therapeutic techniques. Art also counts as a mindfulness activity, especially if you can get out of your judgy mode while doing it. It can help us express things that we may struggle verbalizing. And you get to keep it forever. Or burn it or shred it, which can also be very cathartic. There’s no losing with art.
Examples:
Writing stories/poems/letters
Painting
Journaling
Gratitude journaling
Mandalas
Masks
Clay modeling
Physical activity can help us discharge the emotional energy that comes with trauma. Since stress is physical, a physical discharge can aid in finishing the fight or flight cycle, signaling to the body that the threat is over. Any type of movement can be beneficial in trauma healing.
Examples:
Yoga
Breath work
Running
Tai Chi
Dance
Kick boxing
Coping skills are critical when you’re overwhelmed or in crisis mode. I definitely don’t recommend starting to face your past without a fanny pack (some may say toolbelt) full of coping skills.
Examples:
TIPP skills
Temperature - Cold water bottle on your neck, cold shower, make snow angels
Intense Exercise - Jumping jacks, run around the block, run up and down the stairs
Paced Breathing - More important than deep breathing, is slow breathing. Slow especially on your exhale.
Call a friend and talk about their life
Recite positive affirmations
Notice things you see, feel, smell, hear, and taste
Listen to a soothing song
Hum your favorite song
Validate your feelings
Not Ready to Face It?
Sometimes avoidance is ok. Avoiding reality, ignoring your emotions, and harmless numbing (e.g. watching hours of The Good Place and indulging in Cookies n Creme bars.) Those things are not effective healing methods, but they can be an important part of the process if you find yourself not ready to put in the work yet. Be kind to yourself and respond to yourself in the way that your friend or your therapist might—with validation, love, and encouragement. It’s ok to be gentle. Honestly, there will probably never be an ideal time to face your trauma. It’s going to be scary. And you CAN do it.
